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Question

5 votes

Do you agree with the "Rishta process" that we have in our society?
Rishta porcess = Marriage proposal

keeping arrange marriages (which are very common in our society) in mind, We all know the desi way of finding a guy/girl that we have in Pakistan, paying so many visits, judging and evaluating that one has to go through, particularly girls, they have to act like a show piece sorta a thing and have to face a lot of criticism. I have seen some cases where girls get so frustrated with back to back rejections that they lose confidence and don't want to marry at all.

What are the pros and cons of rishta process?
What changes we should have to make this process less torturous?

Tags: Relationships  Culture  Rishta 

Comments
What Alternatives do you have in mind ??
Hassan Ahmed | 37 months ago
yeah, I'd like to know that too.
Sumi | 37 months ago
No alternatives but some a few changes to make it less torturous:

Rejection is NOT a big issue it's how u get rejected, plus What i believe is, we have made this thing a headache, first of all, the moms start looking for the rishta even when the girls are hardly 17-18, or they at least start humming the tone of "haunting a groom" that makes an huge effect on gals psychologically, so at that age, your are not mature enough to understand it so u get hurt if some1 rejects you.
1- We shouldn't start the groom haunting unless the gals are mentally mature enough to understand what it is and how does it goes. at least after the age of 20.
2- We can tell them how to handle the rejection positively
3- Useless visits and cat walks shudnt be allowed : )
4- Informal meetings, between the family and the couple to be.
5-Showing respect to the other side.
Zainab Hussain | 37 months ago
 

Asked by: Zainab Hussain | 37 months ago | Answers: 13 | Views: 3811

Answers

7 votes


This answer has been edited by the user - See changes

Answered by: Sumi | 37 months ago

Comments
awww, thanks for the vote and the compliment. :)
I suggested Usama the same (once upon a time :p), but I understand his concern too. I guess, those who want to let others know that they gave them the vote, they can simply comment with '+1' ;)
Sumi | 37 months ago
hahahahaha, yeah i dunno what could be the problem with that really, like would people start voting someone in order to hit on them may be?? :p #justsaying
Awais Amjad | 37 months ago
lolz.
Sumi | 37 months ago
@Awais: Among other concerns, yes! :P
Usama Hafeez | 37 months ago
hahahaahaha, see i know the unknowns :p
Awais Amjad | 37 months ago

3 votes

Answered by: Arifa Batool | 37 months ago

Comments
Nowdays uncles and aunties of girl's side also do the investigations .... i mean its both ways .... and if the rejection hurts girl's feelings then it could do the same for the guy in case rejection from girl's side .... Meant to say the things u mentioned above are for both parties so the equation is pretty much balanced ...

However I do agree in Rural areas, this is carried out very unjustly and one-sided.
Hassan Ahmed | 37 months ago
Yes, thats wht i meant, we need to be more openly minded I guess.
rural area? lol we find this very common in desi families hassan, I have seen well educated families doing this : )
Zainab Hussain | 37 months ago
I so agree with you arifa, @hassan if we talk about majority in Pakistan, then girls get rejected more than boys in this rishta process
Nabeha | 37 months ago
Nabeha! Yeah yar! Girls in our society has to go through this with quite intensified process, and usually boys don't have to face this much humiliation I mean seriously I'd call it humiliation.
Arifa Batool | 37 months ago
My points from my side to make it less torturous:

Rejection is NOT a big issue it's how u get rejected, plus What i believe is, we have made this thing a headache, first of all, the moms start looking for the rishta even when the girls are hardly 17-18, or they at least start humming the tone of "haunting a groom" that makes an huge effect on gals psychologically, so at that age, your are not mature enough to understand it so u get hurt if some1 rejects you.
1- We shouldn't start the groom haunting unless the gals are mentally mature enough to understand what it is and how does it goes. at least after the age of 20.
2- We can tell them how to handle the rejection positively
3- Useless visits and cat walks shudnt be allowed : )
4- Informal meetings, between the family and the couple to be.
5-Showing respect to the other side.
Zainab Hussain | 37 months ago

2 votes

Answered by: Nabeha | 37 months ago

2 votes

Answered by: Osama Afzal | 37 months ago

Comments
Good point, We dun need to create a scene like..hum rishta dekhne ja rahay hay" LOL we can normal too.. no?
Zainab Hussain | 37 months ago

2 votes

Answered by: Hassan Ahmed | 37 months ago

Comments
Yup, totally agree except for that in many European countries, people may even decide not to get married at all.
It is actually very logical thing: those who look for bride/groom for their son/daughter, they should just picture how things used to be 'back then' and what were the things they did not like. Wouldn't they just out of respect like to treat a guy/girl in a better way? It shall not be about 'hum bhi us daur say guz ray thay - humain bhi sah na para tha', rather it shall be 'we have been there and we know how it is - that is why, we would not like to do this and that...'. anyways, I don't want to scare you with my text again :D
Sumi | 37 months ago
I agree, and I never said you should cut it down, we just need to change our attitudes and should realized that other side also have this thing called RESPECT
Zainab Hussain | 37 months ago

1 votes

Answered by: Mahreen Khalid | 37 months ago

1 votes

Answered by: Awais Amjad | 37 months ago

Comments
Just saw your reply now. +1 for being so precise and for what you have to say. Agree to what you say. As for 6), I guess most people (close friends and relatives) nowadays don't want to risk doing the match-making thing exactly because of the reasons you yourself have mentioned.
Sumi | 37 months ago
yeah but atleast you can help friends/relatives decide what they actually want if not literally helping them find someone. But that could only happen if you were consulted. Unlike me, i always tend to tease my friends and ask them whats your problem man!! lets talk about it. :p
Awais Amjad | 37 months ago
and btw thanks for voting, We will definitely bring change, every vote matters :p
Awais Amjad | 37 months ago
:) Agree. I know many people who are not open for such kind of discussions or just don't wish to share their problems - hesitations. Some want others to offer them their help, but wouldn't like to ask for any help. I guess, all we could do is ask people if everything okay - just like you do. I don't think that we will always be able to find the exact solutions for everyone, but we could at least try.
and lolz on vote. :p
Sumi | 37 months ago
yeah some people are just too reserve to share and you feel they are okay when they are anything but okay.
Awais Amjad | 37 months ago

0 votes

Answered by: Khawaja Naveed Haider | 37 months ago

Comments
Welcome to the reality ... it is kind of like , in fact much more than a job interview ... as the job-interviewer was judging you for your skills that you can temporarily put for his company and he has to give you salary ..... in the other case its a Life-Time thing and they giving you their child for ever .....
Hassan Ahmed | 37 months ago
@ Sumi: I'm unable to understand this Masters thing ... I personally haven't felt any big status or privilege difference between the two .. i mean in most companies they are at same post with bachelors .... Its just an added advantage thingy and also if u wana pursue PhD .... Seriously I won't feel any inferiority at all if sitting among some guys with Masters degree ...
Hassan Ahmed | 37 months ago
@ Hassan: Hmm, I am not saying that those with Masters are better than those with Bachelors. No, I do not think that way at all. Neither am I of the view that holding a particular degree and getting certain grades makes you more mature and intellectual - I do not measure people based on these things. I have moved in circles, where people had multiple degrees and yet they could not always impress me and I have spent time with people having had no prior education at all, but they still knew of things many would not. However, being aware of all this, personally, I'd want my future husband to have a Master degree and I will not like to compromise on this. Of course, wanting and eventually getting are two different things and it could be that the guy/family seems to be so nice that I change my priorities, but education has always been very important to me. Does not it also show how ambitious you are? (Perhaps not entirely, but still.)
Sumi | 37 months ago
.now we r talking abt masters and its so important for u i jus wana mention that thr is a thing called years of education .... A 2 yr grad + 1 yr master is considered to have lesser yr-education than a 4-yr grad. Like engg. Or BBA etc .... So basically a BE is equal to BSc+MSc..
Hassan Ahmed | 37 months ago
:) Why is it that most of the engineers I get to interact with, come up with this same line of argumentation? Years of education is one thing for sure. In UK you can mostly acquire a Master's degree in one year, while taking 5-6 courses. Here, it takes minimum 2 years and if you are studying in my field, 3 years. Whereas we get mostly 6 credit points for our individual courses, in UK, you might be getting 30 CP for a single course. So, lets not do this kind of comparing. Btw, Bachelor here takes between 3-5 years, depending on your field.
Sumi | 37 months ago

0 votes

Answered by: Osama Shah | 37 months ago

Comments
What is Islamic way then ??
Hassan Ahmed | 37 months ago

0 votes

Answered by: Faiq Latifi | 37 months ago

Comments
Sometimes we hate something soo much that we can't even elaborate why.. :P Seriously!
Faiq Latifi | 37 months ago
ahan. good one! :D
Sumi | 37 months ago
yeah! mera apna rishta phansa hua hai isi waja se... lolxx :P
Faiq Latifi | 37 months ago
yeah! mera apna rishta phansa hua hai isi waja se... lolxx :P
Faiq Latifi | 37 months ago
aww, all the best with it! InshaAllah, it will turn out good. Patience :))
Sumi | 37 months ago

0 votes

Answered by: Anonymous | 37 months ago

0 votes

Answered by: Aana | 37 months ago

0 votes

Answered by: ekasha najam | 34 months ago

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